I’ve ignored this poor blog a lot lately.
I could say I’ve been too busy, but that seems shallow.
Writing is something I love. It’s therapeutic for me.
So, when I’m not writing, something’s up and I know I need to stop and figure out what is going on with me.
Happily, I’ve figured it out.
I’ve been suffering from Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS).
This happens when I take on too much and my brain gets so full that it feels like it’s going to pop.
Really — burst like fireworks on the Fourth of July.
Except, not pretty fireworks.
I can’t write if my head is too full.
It’s like trying to knit but not being able to find the beginning of the yarn ball.
I can’t access one thought and follow it from beginning to end because my ideas are tripping all over each other.
I wish I could say this doesn’t happen very often, but that would be a lie.
I give myself massive headaches from this Exploding Head Syndrome.
One of my greatest strengths is that I am a creative idea person.
That also is one of my greatest weaknesses.
(Please tell me I’m not the only one whose strengths can also be their weaknesses.)
I fall in love with good ideas, and I hate to let them go.
I get attached to my ideas.
They are like embryos with amazing potential and they beg to be nurtured.
But, how many ideas in embryo can one human being nurture at a time?
I mean, really? One, two, ten, a hundred? Forty-two million?
At some point, it has to stop because I have more ideas than time and energy.
It’s humbling and embarrassing, because you see, I want to do too much.
I hate limits, time constraints, and boundaries.
To quote my Mom, “It gripes me to death.”
(That means it makes her really annoyed.)
Yes, it gripes me to death that I can’t keep up with myself.
To that, my mom would say, “You wear me to a frazzle. When are you going to learn to slow down?”
I wear myself to a frazzle, and that too, gripes me to death.
I told Doug the other day that it’s hard being me. (I probably said it in a whiny, tired voice too.)
He didn’t sympathize. He said we all have things that make it hard to be us.
That was a weird sentence, wasn’t it?
But, I like the concept… we all have personality quirks and core characteristics that make us crazy.
It’s not just me, right? Please tell me it’s not just me.
You have your own ways that make you crazy, right?
Is anybody out there? Come on, fess up. Make me feel better.
Is it as hard being you as it is hard being me sometimes?
I was cursed with a “go-go-do-do” personality according to my mother.
That can be good and bad, but right now, for the purpose of this blog, it’s bad.
It leads to neglected blogs, headaches, indecision, and having to have a serious sit-down with my overactive mind.
Imagine the comedy in my conversation with my brain.
Me: Enough already. You are driving me mad. Stop with the ideas.
Brain: I can’t. The ideas are so good. I won’t let them go. You can act on all of them. Trust me. We can do this.
Me: No. Trusting you leads to migraines and endless to-do lists that I could wrap around the globe in long, messy, unkempt strands.
Brain: We’ve got this. Just get up earlier, go to bed later, quit exercising. Forget about healthy eating. Why do you need to file all those papers, pull weeds, do your laundry, talk in coherent sentences anyway? We don’t have time for all that nonsense. We have IDEAS that demand our time and attention.
This could go on forever, this back-and-forth debate with my overactive brain.
Bottom line is a neglected blog means a cluttered mind and a stressed out woman.
A stressed out woman leads to decreased productivity, and probably decreased popularity because people don’t like being around or working with a nonsensical, I-have-another-idea but I-can’t-keep-up-with-myself-woman.
And before I have yet another thought for this blog, I’m going to stop writing.
I am going to think of my ideas like city buses.
They come and they go.
I don’t need to hop on every bus in town and ride it to every random place it’s going.
So if you see me standing at a bus stop waving, you’ll know I’m practicing my new let-it-go approach to life.
And, now you can start singing that Frozen song —Let it Go –because that is what I’m going to do because…
That is one good idea!
2 thoughts on “Exploding Head Syndrome”
I really appreciated your use of creative metaphors and analogies in this memoir!
Laurie, It is about time you let many go. You are into everything.
But we all need you. Greg