From the News, Personal

Playing the Glad Game

It’s time to play Pollyanna’s Glad Game.

I’m so over the pandemic.

I’ve been desperately wanting all the craziness in the world to just be over already.

You know it’s bad when you keep asking yourself, “What else?” Fully expecting there to be one more thing day after day.

We woke up early on Sunday morning to about 75 messages — some of them texts from family asking, “Are you okay? Were you evacuated?” and most of the rest of them in a neighborhood chat group that was blowing up with photos, videos, and questions about nearby fires that seemed to be heading our way.

I have to admit that I slept through all the danger.

While neighbors were watching the fires burn all night, thankfully, I was sound asleep.

And, just for the record, we are fine.

We were never threatened by the fires.

And, our neighbors to the west were evacuated but no homes or lives were lost thanks to some quick-acting always-on-the-job firemen who took care of it.

Then, last night, we saw another fire off in the distance from our deck, and found out some friends on the other side of the lake from us were evacuated for yet another fire.

So, what else?

That’s the question on everyone’s minds.

There are so many layers of unrest in our world that I’m losing track. There’s the pandemic, killer hornets, earthquakes and the aftershocks, protests and rioting, nasty partisan politics, and the list goes on.

Yet… there is something else.

Like the volunteer fireman who was helping with the evacuations and traffic control Saturday night who said when he arrived on the scene, “It was the perfect storm of bad circumstances all coming together for disaster…The flames were headed toward homes. Kids were hiking in the trails above the fire. The wind was howling and fanning huge flames. Then something happened. The wind stopped. It just stopped. For no logical reason, it just went calm…The wind should have blown this into a real tragedy, but somehow it stopped. Why it stopped is for you to figure out.”

Or like the fact that I hear things like this from my friends, family and neighbors:

  • Things are great for us. I don’t know what it is but my family is thriving.
  • My disabled son found an apartment and moved out on his own for the first time, and he’s loving it! I’m so proud of him.
  • I am getting more done in my home and yard than I ever have before.
  • I love working from home. It’s the best. I get to spend time with my family. I’m not sure I want it to ever go back to the office.
  • Our gospel study is deeper and more rewarding than it’s ever been.
  • I can go for walks because my older kids can take care of my younger ones and that has never happened before because they’ve always been so busy with so many extracurricular activities.
  • My husband lost his job but somehow, we’re okay. We’re confident that we’ll be fine and that he’ll find something when the world settles down. I don’t know what it is but we feel really at peace.
  • I have been trying to find a new, affordable apartment for a long time, and the perfect one just opened up.
  • I have experienced chronic pain for years and recently fell. I was afraid it would make everything worse. Miraculously, it made everything better. I can’t explain it.
  • I’m having Zoom calls with old friends, and it’s been so fun to reconnect.

The list goes on.

like having at least one daughter close by… 🙂
Or finding this beauty on my front porch from an anonymous neighbor (thanks Diann!)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know bad things are happening. We’ve had a few of our own.

But, I keep remembering an article I read by Sheri Dew, who said, “Many of you have no doubt had the same experience I’ve had of late. Grocery stores with long lines, no paper products or bottled water, and eerie rows of empty shelves. There are areas in the world where this is not uncommon, but in the United States and other industrialized nations, that is not the case. I imagine that for many around the world, there have been recent moments that almost felt post-apocalyptic.”

I nodded my head about the post-apocalyptic part because that’s definitely how it feels.

Then, she quoted LDS leader Elder Neil Anderson who said, ““As evil increases in the world, there is a compensatory spiritual power for the righteous. As the world slides from its spiritual moorings, the Lord prepares the way for those who seek Him, offering them greater assurance, greater confirmation, and greater confidence in the spiritual direction they are traveling. The gift of the Holy Ghost becomes a brighter light in the emerging twilight.”

Image by Jorge Guillen from Pixabay

To me, that says, even when the world seems bad, if we do our part, God does his.

We took a short road trip to Yellowstone last week and the peace, stunning sunsets, wildlife, and natural beauty just took our breath away. We didn’t want to leave. It was a good reminder that there is still beauty in the world.

It reminds me of the book Where the Red Fern Grows when the little boy, Billy, desperately wants a pair of coon hound dogs. His grandpa says, “Well, it’s been my experience that God helps those who help themselves. If you want God’s help bad enough, you’ll meet him halfway.”

Maybe, for me, part of meeting him halfway is looking for the compensatory blessings rather than seeing everything as signs of the apocalypse, which you have to admit is pretty easy these days.

If you’re seeing some compensatory blessings during these upside down, crazy times, please share them with me! I need all the positivity I can get.

Pollyanna’s Glad Game needs to be in full swing.

Personal

Bush Twin Gems from “Sisters First”

I just finished reading the book Sister’s First — Stories from our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush.

I picked up the book for two reasons — first, I’m a sucker for anything related to the Bush family, especially if it promises great stories about George and Barbara Bush.

Second, it’s the only memoir I know of that was written by two people, and my friend, Lisa, and I are having fun writing a memoir together, and we wanted to see how this book was structured.

The book did not disappoint on those two fronts.

A few gems that resonated with me:

Enjoy being in the game…

A couple of years ago in Maine, we were all sitting around the robin blue oval table that we’ve sat around for years having dinner — with Gampy at the head. The room was full of laughter. Everybody was talking, except for Gampy, and the conversation was ricocheting around the table. It started getting loud, and eventually he leaned over and in a hoarse voice, he whispered, ‘I miss this.’

And I asked, ‘What Gampy, what do you miss?’

And he looked around and said, ‘I loved being in the game. Don’t forget to enjoy being part of the game.’

Barbara pierce Bush

I loved this story because it reminded me of my mom toward the end of her life. When all of our family was together, the pace and volume of the back and forth conversation was too much for her.

It frustrated her until she learned to just soak up the love and energy in the room, noticing how everyone enjoyed being together. She loved just looking around the room and relishing that everyone there was “hers.” But, it was hard to see her gradually switch from being a participant to a quiet observer.

So, I loved George Bush’s advice, “Don’t forget to enjoy being part of the game.” We all need to appreciate being part of the game!

Sister Love Story…

I confess that I wasn’t sure if I would like the sister “love story” aspect of the book. In the acknowledgments, they wrote, “Sisters First isn’t a typical memoir, but rather a love story we wrote to each other.” That sounded a little too schmaltzy and contrived to me.

However, I was surprised to like it more than I expected.

A beautiful paragraph written by Jenna toward the end of the book made me stop and think about the power of sisterhood — whether by blood or by friendship.

She said she was reflecting on a day when she picked up her daughter, Mila, from preschool and Mila asked, “Where is Poppy? I want Poppy-Lou,” referring to her sister.

“That night, I held my girls closely and listened to the patterns of their breathing until they were in sync, until they were one. You have each other, I thought to myself, You can walk through this wild and wonderful life together. You will fight, yes. And you will adapt to each other’s quirks, but you will do it together. You will make your sister feel like she is enough. And for me, your mama, well, that is enough. More than enough. That is everything.”

Jenna Bush Hager

That really is everything, isn’t it? To have someone who makes you feel like you are enough? I thought of not just how my sister helps me feel that way, but how many of my dear girlfriends and now my daughters help me feel that way. I’m grateful that my daughters can write their own sister love stories now with not just each other but with their many female friends.

Live a life that’s worth it…

The last gem from this little book that I loved came from Barbara who wrote about a Burundian man who taught her that a birthday could be celebrated not just with a cake but by considering how, in the previous year, you had lived the best year that you could. And before you eat the cake, you have to share what you did for other people in that year.

You had to make a case that you were living in a way that was worth it, in a way that was giving to others. You are here for a reason, and you should be grateful for every year, and be ready to do the most [you can] with the next one.”

Barbara Pierce Bush

With yet another birthday around the corner for me, I love the idea of considering whether I lived the best way I could in the last year, and earning a slice of birthday cake by reflecting on what I’ve done for other people.

So, thank you Barbara and Jenna for giving me some beautiful words of wisdom and some stories to remember about creating and appreciating a beautiful life.

Personal

Perfect Moments

A wise friend of mine recently shared a thought that has made a deep impression on me.

She was talking about perfectionism and our tendency to beat ourselves up continually because we fall short of our expectations. .

She said that none of us are or can be perfect, and instead of berating ourselves for repeatedly missing the mark, we should look for “perfect moments.”

my life isn’t perfect, but it does have perfect moments

She described some of her perfect moments, including one that happened on a night when she felt particularly worried about her daughter. She knew her daughter was experiencing some trouble with a friend at school. She wasn’t sure how to help her through that challenge.

Late one night, she went into her daughter’s room and found her sleeping peacefully in her bed. She was overcome with the depth of love and concern she felt for that child. She quietly knelt down by her daughter’s bed and asked God to help her know how to help her child. She immediately felt impressed simply to tell her daughter, “I’m on your team.”

Her daughter woke up right as she finished her emotional prayer, and she was startled to see her mother in her room with tears in her eyes. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“I just want you to know how much I love you and that I’m on your team.” It turned into a sweet, unforgettable, perfect mother-daughter moment.

Since hearing that story, I have been watching for the perfect moments in my life, and while my life is far from perfect, there are perfect moments every single day.

Yesterday, I went to the community pool for an early morning water aerobics class. As the sun came up over the mountains, and glistened all across the pool, it was like sun glitter fell from the sky and landed all over the water. Then, I noticed an elderly woman wearing a swim cap in another part of the pool. She was facing the sun and stopped to take a deep breath to soak it all in. Then, she starting jogging to the beat of the music, and for that moment, her life was perfect. She was absorbing the beauty of a perfect moment.

I asked Doug about a perfect moment he’s experienced. The first thing that came to his mind was our daughter, Sara’s wedding. Her wedding weekend was full of perfect moments — seeing her walk into the beautiful Salt Lake Temple to be sealed to her husband, watching her smile when she arrived at the reception venue and saw it all lit up and decorated with pink peonies just like she imagined, watching her laugh and enjoy time with friends and family, and saying goodbye as she and her husband walked under a canopy of sparklers in the night sky.

So many perfect moments in one beautiful day…

I thought of seeing the lace from my mother’s wedding gown tied around Sara’s bridal bouquet and seeing my daughters together savoring every moment of the wedding weekend.

There are perfect moments everywhere, and focusing on them brings out so many of the hidden beauties of ordinary life. I’m grateful to my friend for pointing out this truth to me.

What are some of your perfect moments? Think about them, notice how they make you feel, notice how they improve your mood and attitude, and if you want, share them! I’d love to hear about some of your perfect, beautiful moments.

Family, Personal

Memorial Day — Utah Style

Memorial Day in the Washington, D.C. area meant a sea of flags waving brilliantly through Arlington Cemetery.

It meant Rolling Thunder motorcyclists descending upon the nation’s capital to bring public attention to prisoners of war and those missing in action.

And, it meant one of our favorite traditions of gathering with friends on the west lawn of the U.S. Capitol for the annual Memorial Day concert.

There is nothing quite like a Washington, D.C. Memorial Day — especially sitting on the lawn of the Capitol, listening to patriotic music and then watching an array of fireworks light up the city from the Washington Monument.

Utah, however, has its own style of Memorial Day.

The first year we lived here, I took my mom to the cemeteries about a week before Memorial Day to place flowers on the graves of our relatives. It was a sweet, tender tradition that she kept up her entire life. I didn’t realize then that I’d need to decorate her grave the following year!

Last year, after she died, I went to the grocery store and saw massive amounts of mums lining the sidewalks leading to the grocery stores. I wondered why mums were out so early. I thought they were fall flowers. (Obviously, I’m not always very observant.)

As it got closer to Memorial Day, my sister, who lives about three hours south, said, “Don’t forget to decorate the graves now that mom’s not here to do it.”

I had so many questions. I hadn’t paid attention to all the details of this new job.

Whose graves? Where do I get the flowers? How do I keep them from blowing over in all the Utah wind? How do I find all the graves?

“You know all the mums you’ve seen everywhere? Those are the flowers you buy,” she said. “You take them to all the family graves. And you go to the dry cleaners and buy hangers, straighten them out, cut them into two pieces, and shape them like hooks. The hook end goes in the plant and the other end goes in the ground. That keeps them from tipping over in the wind.”

We were such Memorial Day rookies last year that we actually went on Memorial Day. The cemeteries were packed. It was hard to drive on the streets and parking was scarce. Some families took lawn chairs and had picnics near their family graves. There were reunions everywhere as family members met and reminisced. This was something we’d never seen before.

So that’s why mom went earlier in the week, I thought.

I realized too that I hadn’t paid close attention to the locations of all the graves as I drove my mother to the cemeteries. So, Doug and I did a lot of looking at maps, calling relatives, and traipsing around, trying to find our family graves.

We vowed to be better prepared this year. So, as soon as we saw the mums for sale, we bought them. My brother got in on the tradition and gathered up and “built” (his word) the hangers to secure the plants to the ground. Then, last Friday, we went to the graves. It took some time to find them all but we did it.

And, I have to say, it was a sweet, new tradition. I felt more connected to my family and my Utah roots.

We did a lot of reminiscing — remembering how mom threatened to haunt us if we ever put plastic flowers on her grave, and how she took a watering can and a broom to clean off the debris around the headstones. I realized how much I never noticed about this family tradition.

As you know if you’ve been reading my blog, it’s been a year of loss. So, we had a couple more graves to visit, including my mom’s and my older brother’s. But there was something tender about going to these family graves and honoring them — their lives and legacies.

As I saw all the flowers, flags and wreaths on all the graves and the crowds of families gathered together to honor their ancestors, it reminded me of the power and lasting love of families.

It was not be like seeing the Rolling Thunder motorcyclists roar down the DC streets.

It wasn’t like seeing 14,000 flags waving at Arlington Cemetery.

And, it definitely wasn’t like listening to a concert on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol or seeing the fireworks burst over the city.

It wasn’t a national celebration on a grand scale this year. But, it may have been a little more personal, intimate and sentimental than other Memorial Days I’ve celebrated.

So, while we paused to honor the armed forces who have protected us on the world stage and on the front lines, we also paid tribute to the family members who have loved and protected us on the most basic level of the home front.

It made me deeply grateful for both.

Change, Friends, Personal

Funeral for a Friend

Yesterday, I was telling Doug about how I spent my day — at a funeral for a friend, Kay Banks Robbins, and then at a luncheon with some of my childhood friends. He said, “That sounds like a blog.”

Thanks for the idea, Doug.

Kay Robbins Banks

Kay was one of the funniest people I ever knew. She was a quiet presence in the room, but with one comment, she had us all in giggle fits. We laughed and cried our way through her beautiful funeral.

There’s something about childhood friends you just can’t replace.

Lisa Whelchel

I remembered Kay performing a hilarious parody of Olympic sportscasters when we were about 12 years old. She was a one-woman comedy act using the funniest voices and accents to announce events like the shot put and synchronized swimming.

The stories of her pranks are legendary. As her sister said, “she was usually close to the center of every prank.” For example, it was so thoughtful of her to place visual aids in the high school library books, like a piece of bologna in the “B” section of the dictionary. 

As we sat reminiscing at lunch at a restaurant on Main Street of our hometown, I thought of a quote from one of my favorite writers.

I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be.”

Joan didion

You can’t go to a funeral for an old friend or have lunch with friends you’ve known since elementary or middle school and not think about the person you used to be. Even if you want to forget, they will remind you!

While we told stories about our great friend, Kay, we pulled up old photos that triggered some great memories.

One of the photos I found recently was the one below of our high school Booster Activity Club.

The Booster Activity Club. I’m the third from the right on the middle row

Can you picture this lovely group of formally dressed teenagers wanting to be in this club so much that they would endure a 1970s high school version of hazing?

Yes, we pushed pennies down the middle of Main Street with molasses slathered on our noses to help the pennies stay put.

We wore blindfolds and and swallowed what we thought were goldfish. (They turned out to be slimy peaches, but we didn’t know that until after we swallowed.)

And, we did all of this voluntarily.

As I left our day together, I thought of all these funny Main Street memories, and I thought of how much we will miss Kay, how there will forever be a hole in our group of friends.

We will miss her laughter, stories, friendship and fun, but we will never forget her.

We will remember the stories her children shared at her funeral like how she accidentally used cooking spray for mosquito repellant and how she was known as the Mary Poppins of Utah because she created fun and adventure everywhere she went, and she was practically perfect in every way.

We will remember her as one of our lifelong, forever friends.

When they carried Kay’s casket out of the chapel, one of my friend’s reached over and held my hand as our eyes filled with tears.

I thought about all the years that have passed and all the things that have changed in our lives, yet there we were together as if nothing had changed at all.

At the end of our luncheon, a man came up to our table and said, “I don’t know who you are but I can tell you sure have fun together!”

It reminded me of this meme…