Being a Libra, I am nothing if not fair. I like my scales balanced.
I’m keenly aware that there are things I say (and do) that Doug doesn’t like.
Here are a few:
I talk during TV shows, and I’ve been know to ask a question or two in a movie.
I know, I know.
Doug is completely silent during TV shows and movies.
I, embarrassingly, am kind of an emoter.
(And, yes, spell check. That is a word. It means to portray emotion in a theatrical manner. And, sometimes I do that.)
You know, the one that gasps when something shocking or surprising happens.
I say things like, “Oh no! What is going to happen now? Why did they do that?”
“I don’t know,” Doug says, slowly, with forced patience. “How am I supposed to know? I haven’t seen it before either.”
I don’t expect him to answer, but the urgency in my voice makes it sound like I expect a reply.
Sometimes when he watches television, I walk in during the middle of a program and say, “What’s this about? Who is that? What’s going on? Why did he do that?”
He takes deep breaths and tries to calmly answer or just stares at me to give the message: “You’re doing it again…”
It’s rude of me. I know that. But, for some reason, I keep doing it.
And, it gets worse.
Sometimes, after he answers all my questions, I get up and leave the room, leaving him wondering why I needed to ask all those questions in the first place if I didn’t plan to watch the show.
Then, I come back into the room, and say, “What did I miss?”
I wish I could say I’m going to stop doing this but I just don’t know if I can.
Maybe I’m trying to gauge whether what he’s watching is worth my time and interest. Maybe I think someday it might be.
I mean, maybe one of those hoarder episodes will be different from all the other hoarder episodes.
My challenge in writing this post is narrowing down the things I say that annoy him because blog posts aren’t supposed to be very long.
So, let me share with you what might be one of our typical Saturday morning conversations. It illustrates a few of my annoying habits:
D: I’m going to the barber to get my hair cut.
L: Why? Let me do it. How hard can it be?
D: I’m going to ignore that you said that.
L: Seriously, how hard can it be?
D: I’ll stick with a professional, thanks. Why do you always say ‘how hard can it be?’
L: Because it can’t be that hard. We could watch a youtube video and learn how to do it.
D: Aaa, no thanks. That doesn’t really engender a lot of confidence in me when you say things like that. What if I said that when you were going to get your hair cut?
L: Well, that’s different…
L: Fine. Go to the barber to get your hair cut, but on your way, can you take this trash out?
D: You are such an add-on-task queen. You don’t believe in me ever just doing one thing at a time, do you?
L: Well, you’re going out. You might as well take the trash out while you’re going,
D: What else are you going to add-on to this errand? I know there’s something else you’re going to want me to do while I’m out.
L: Well, since you asked, want to stop at the grocery store? And, who is the movie villain voiced by Douglas Rain?
D: What do you need at the store? And, how am I supposed to know about that villain thing? I hate it when you ask me random crossword puzzle questions.
L: Whatever. You don’t hate it. He’s that Canadian actor that was the voice of that computer. Oh, you know, what’s it called?
D: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
L: It’s a three-letter word from that old space movie. Come on, you know!
D: No. I don’t know. And, I’m leaving to get my hair cut. And, don’t say, “How hard can it be!”
L: Don’t forget to take the trash!
So, in addition to talking and asking unanswerable questions during television programs; I also add-on tasks, say “how hard can it be?” every time he goes to get his hair cut; and I pressure him to help me solve obscure crossword puzzle clues.
I’d like to say I will try to improve in these areas, and that I am not going to ask him anymore questions during TV shows, but that would take the fun out of TV for me. I can’t just sit quietly and not react.
But, I’ve found a solution. Now, I text people and hope it’s less annoying.
And, at least I will promise never to try to cut Doug’s hair with the help of a youtube video even though I enjoy telling him that. I mean, seriously, how hard can it be?