Today, one of my friends told me she decided to try match.com
After a recent divorce, she wanted companionship.
More than that though, after growing up with an unkind dad and then marrying an emotionally distant man, she wanted to find out if there are nice guys in the world.
She was worried that I have the only one.
My sister, niece, and several other friends wonder the same thing.
My sister always asks, “Where’s my Doug?”
I wish I knew where to find more Dougs so that I could share them with all these wonderful women.
When Sara was a little girl, she said she felt sorry for a lady at church who didn’t have a husband.
“Can we share Dad with her?” she asked.
“No. We don’t share husbands,” I told her.
But there have been times I’ve wished I could manufacture a few men that are compatible with my single female friends and family.
When my friend tried out match.com, she approached it like a business with goals, carefully outlining what she wanted and needed and then detailing how each date fared in all of her important categories.
He had to be tall, thin, and have dark eyes. She wanted someone interested in writing, journalism, families, going out to dinner, and just having fun.
I admire her courage and willingness to put herself out there in a line-up, online world where so many scary men seem to dwell.
As she told me about her approach to this dating endeavor, I thought, “If anyone can do this, she can. She’s strong, outspoken, and knows what she wants.” I couldn’t imagine her being anyone’s victim.
After she posted her profile and did whatever you do to start getting dates on that site, she got flooded with eager men trying to impress her.
I think she called them “the creepy men.”
They sent pictures of themselves posing in front of their macho cars and manly motorcycles half-naked with puffed up chests and flexed muscles.
She almost gave up on the man search after that.
But once she turned away all the narcissists, more interesting and seemingly decent men started to appear, and one of them unexpectedly captured her attention.
The only problem was that he didn’t fit her ideal man profile.
He was short and blue-eyed.
She was sure he wouldn’t be her type, but she gave him a chance, and she liked him.
Now, they’ve been dating for a few months and she’s having a great time. She’s even noticed that he isn’t that short, and his eyes are actually dark blue. Luckily, he likes journalism, families, and having fun.
I don’t know whether she’s found her Doug, but she’s found a man that interests her even though he’s not the man she thought she wanted.
Sometimes what we get is better than what we wanted.
I know Doug is better in every way than what I thought I deserved or wanted.
But if I’d created a list as specific and narrow as the color of his eyes, for example, I would have missed all the amazing and wonderful things I didn’t even know I wanted!
My friend’s experience with match.com reminds me that we have to be open to discovering the good in people.
Sometimes that requires us to loosen the grip on what we think we must have so that we can find out what’s out there waiting for us.
What’s waiting for us might actually astound us with its unexpected goodness and beauty.
The key is to let the unexpected have a chance to happen.